Ask StyleList: Dressing your age
Filed under: Fashion, Best of the Season, How to Wear
Dear StyleList: Please help! I am a 39 year old female who is single and looking, but I look a lot younger than I am. Naturally, the only guys that are interested in me are 25-30 year olds. I feel very lucky to look so young, but when it comes to dating it's starting to get old. I think it might be the way I'm dressing. -- Lisa
Woah, Lisa, talk about a problem that I wouldn't mind having! Just kidding -- not all attention is good attention, and while I'm sure it's flattering to have such an effect on men, you seem to be looking for someone with more life experience than say, Justin Timberlake.
That having been said, yes, changing your wardrobe is probably a very good place to start. Since I don't know exactly what you wear on a daily basis, I think that I can still make a few helpful suggestions.
First of all, if you have any jeans with embroidery or embellishments on them, ditch them, pronto. Nothing says "I'm entry-level" like a big butterfly on your butt. For that matter, you might want to do a major purge of pants collection. I would suggest getting a few pairs of trouser jeans and chinos. Trouser-style pants have a classic, sophisticated look, which is sexy but not 23-year-old sex-kitten sexy. Personally, I'm a big fan of J.Crew's Heritage chino.
As for tops, I would suggest moving away from bright colorful patterns towards more subdued monochromatic pieces. It might sound a little boring at first, but I think that a well-tailored white blouse or a sleek black cashmere turtleneck could help your cause. If you feel stiffled, go for some fun jewelry or other accessories.
You might also want to consider trying a different haircut. Obviously, none of what I've said is true universally, but I generally think that shorter hairstyles tend to look more mature. If you are still holding onto your post-college ponytail, you should really think about hacking it off. Right now, bobs are an extremely popular haircut. If you're scared, remember, your hair will always grow back.
Also, do you wear makeup regularly? If you do wear makeup, consider the formulas and finish of the products. Does your lip gloss contain glitter? If it does, get rid of it! In fact, if any of your makeup is particularly shimmery, I would ditch it.
I hope this has been helpful. With any luck, a couple of wardrobe changes will let your wisdom and life experience shine through, not just your young-looking face.
Woah, Lisa, talk about a problem that I wouldn't mind having! Just kidding -- not all attention is good attention, and while I'm sure it's flattering to have such an effect on men, you seem to be looking for someone with more life experience than say, Justin Timberlake.
That having been said, yes, changing your wardrobe is probably a very good place to start. Since I don't know exactly what you wear on a daily basis, I think that I can still make a few helpful suggestions.
First of all, if you have any jeans with embroidery or embellishments on them, ditch them, pronto. Nothing says "I'm entry-level" like a big butterfly on your butt. For that matter, you might want to do a major purge of pants collection. I would suggest getting a few pairs of trouser jeans and chinos. Trouser-style pants have a classic, sophisticated look, which is sexy but not 23-year-old sex-kitten sexy. Personally, I'm a big fan of J.Crew's Heritage chino.
As for tops, I would suggest moving away from bright colorful patterns towards more subdued monochromatic pieces. It might sound a little boring at first, but I think that a well-tailored white blouse or a sleek black cashmere turtleneck could help your cause. If you feel stiffled, go for some fun jewelry or other accessories.
You might also want to consider trying a different haircut. Obviously, none of what I've said is true universally, but I generally think that shorter hairstyles tend to look more mature. If you are still holding onto your post-college ponytail, you should really think about hacking it off. Right now, bobs are an extremely popular haircut. If you're scared, remember, your hair will always grow back.
Also, do you wear makeup regularly? If you do wear makeup, consider the formulas and finish of the products. Does your lip gloss contain glitter? If it does, get rid of it! In fact, if any of your makeup is particularly shimmery, I would ditch it.
I hope this has been helpful. With any luck, a couple of wardrobe changes will let your wisdom and life experience shine through, not just your young-looking face.
bob 11-19-2006 @ 6:33AM
if this is true then why do the women that are 39 and look 39 always complaining that men there own age want 25 year olds ?
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Dan R 11-19-2006 @ 6:45AM
Lisa,
Forget what they are telling you to do....If you are fortunate to look younger than your age, dress and look the way you want to! I know 20 year olds that look 40. And WHY do women cut their hair to look like a man????? There is nothing wrong with wearing your hair longer. You watch men and women, when a woman walks by with long hair (well groomed) everyone turns their head....my wife is in here mid 40s and she has long hair and looks a lot younger than she is.....and she continuously gets comments on her hair.....There is nothing wrong with color in your clothing....they are making you look like the woman pictured in the article. As for make up, the goal of all make up is to correct imperfections and make you look "younger"...age defying..blah blah blah....I am not a fan of lots of make up and strong perfumes (ladies, lay off of the heavy perfumes) Bottom line is don't let them turn you into a frump with short hair and old clothes....do what makes you happy...
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Ann Marie 11-19-2006 @ 6:47AM
No butterflies on the butt, but ditch my jeans? Hell no! And really, stylish touches are always appreciated.
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Sharon 11-19-2006 @ 7:52AM
I agree a lot with Dan. The article did have some good points though as well, especially since she can't see what you dress like. Lord help us all if she's trying to get you to look like the woman in the photo...and I HATE those chinos!!! But if you are wearing teen-jeans (no matter what your size, and believe me, I know it's hard to find any others right now!) you should stop, especially if you want to stop attracting too young of men. I'm 38, not looking though! You can definitely have your longer hair, if you do...and there are plenty of girls with short cuts, including my 14 year old has the cut in the photo, but it is sooo much more flattering on her! My opinion, that haircut and a collar, especially an extra large & gaping one like that would make anyone look um... hard.? Be yourself, just maybe in a little less tight, or little less revealing outfit. Maybe you're just hot all around and nothing will really help.
My main advice is look at where you are meeting these people, maybe choose a different destination to "look", or better yet, don't look. You may be giving off way too many pheromones. ;-)
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sue 11-19-2006 @ 7:11AM
Interesting article, wrong picture! Anyone who is 39, "still looking" and young-looking enough to attract too many 25 year olds probably does not want to go so far as to look like the severe looking woman in the picture accompanying this article. She just looks...odd.
Lisa, take her advice and jettison anything you might happen to own that reeks "teenybopper trend of the minute." Maybe a haircut is in order, but honestly all the 40-50 year old women with a helmet of short hair start to look precisely the same--a little longer hair might set you apart in a good way.
And then be grateful that you're almost 40 and still fooling people into believing you are much younger. Maybe what is needed to find the right guy of the right age is to change where you meet them, not what you wear?
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Maddison 11-19-2006 @ 7:17AM
Question,
Does anybody else think that it might be her personality? I mean, yeah, dressing sparkly and bright will attract younger men, but seeing on how older men in their late thirties do tend to go for the younger looking women, but stil aren't going for her, it really might be the way she presents herself... Or, if she is going places where there are more of the younger age group than the one she would like, it might just seem that way. Like if she volunteers somewhere or attends Dunkin Doughnuts instead of Starbucks because she's to quickpaced to wait.......
And also, this wasn't meant to criticize ehr if it came out that way,,,, Just different venues if the look change doesn't work. Best of Luck ;)
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Sandra 11-19-2006 @ 7:18AM
Come on, looking and acting your age is not just about clothes.
It'a about what you say, slang use, where you go, and how you travel.
Classy and frumpy are not the same. A carfull of trash is a trashy car and says something about you in general. A mouth that says I am still taling trash is immature, what are you telling about yourself when you talk? Where are you going to meet new friends? Are you involved in any service work where other nice poeple may be looking for friends too? Sometimes more than a closet needs an overhaul.
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Pookette 11-19-2006 @ 7:21AM
If you look and feel younger than you are that is awesome. I know exactly how you feel as I am 42 and look much younger than I look. Somedays I feel funky other days I feel more sophisticated. Moods play a role in how I look. I also have a grandson that is 20 months old. People are amazed when I tell them that and when we are out, they always think that he is my son. I got tired of explaining and just took it as a compliment. I agree with the dude from the other post, too many "older" women look alike. I want to look different and I do. The photo on this blof is a prime example of his commments. So here is to us new generation moms/grandmothers!!!!!Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and in one's self.
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Kyra 11-19-2006 @ 7:21AM
Lisa...I am in the same boat, I am 42 (soon to be 43 but, shhh) and am regularly mistaken for being in my late 20s or early 30s. She was right about everything she said. I use to wear very bright colors...very bold. Then I started choosing colors that were "rich" instead of bright. Colors like a deep eggplant or a really yummy cocoa. Also something she didn't mention...she said to steer clear of glitter on your face...steer clear of it on your body also...fabric that draw more attention than you do should be out. That is not to say the well placed satin shirt is out...In fact I have a beautiful one in a muted aqua that looks great with my denim jacket. Just remember to make your face the focal point.
And I finally cut my waist length hair, went to a shorter (shoulder length) edgy choppy look that takes me less than 5 minutes to style.
Well worth it in the end,
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Gina 11-19-2006 @ 7:23AM
AH, the first poster who encouraged the woman to ignore the advice - was a MAN! As a 39 year old woman, I agree with the advice. I am married but look much younger. I am very careful about how I dress. People do judge you by how you look. If you have ever watched "what not to wear" they give the same advice time after time with women in their 30's and older. If she wants to attract a man similar in age, then you have to think about the whole package. If she is dressing young, she is sending the wrong message to the right men, and subconsciously, that is a bit deceitful. Dressing sophisticated will attract sophistcated, confident, mature men.
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An Marie 11-19-2006 @ 7:24AM
Lisa, not knowing how you dress, a couple of comments. Tight low-cut bare mid-riff tops coupled with low cut jeans and high heels just look trashy. OK when you're 19, as no one takes you seriously if you go for that style (on your own time). Classier looks are out there, and the 25-year old set may still look, but your own peer group might be more receptive if you dress with an eye to their comfort level. Try sexy and a tad refined. Something Julia Roberts would wear might be an inspiration. Stay with clothes that fit. Nothing says "big trashy mama" better than something too tight.
Don't let anyone talk you out of your (groomed) hair! It's a "woman's crowning glory", and classy jeans, especially coupled with silks and velvets, suede or leather, are OK-fine at any age!
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C.M.Hill 11-19-2006 @ 7:31AM
Lisa:
Bob and Dan seem to be missing the point. You voluntarily asked about presenting a different appearance so that you won't be mistaken for a teeny-bopper. It's great to look younger than your years. It's also great to attract men with a bit more maturity than the average youth. I think the answer you got is a good one. Glitz and glitter are fine for all ages in certain settings. For everyday, super shiny lip gloss, among other things, is sending a message contrary to the image you want to present.
Bob and Dan:
Of whom are you thinking when you read a query by a woman who wants to attract men in an appropriate age range and you say she should wear what she wants to wear? Obviously, she wants to CHANGE what she wears or she would never have asked how to go about it. YOU might enjoy watching kids run around in hip huggers with sequined critters stitched to their rearends and their pot bellies hanging out. Not everybody likes to look that way. Lisa will wear what she feels happy wearing. Clearly, she isn't happy with what she's been choosing and wants to change things. Her question was answered.
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BB 11-19-2006 @ 7:29AM
Always be yourself...because when the window dressings come off, that is what they will see.
Wear what you like, just do it with style and don't over do it.
Walk like your the most beautiful thing in creation, but treat the hot and the not, like they are the most beautiful creation.
Smile alot...laugh easy... This is when you will attract the quality, which is much better than a number attached to an age.
PS...all women look at least ten years younger than they are, if you don't believe me....just ask them!
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Lisa 11-19-2006 @ 7:32AM
Lisa, i agree with Dan. I am in the exact same boat as you, i dress the age that i look...AND my name is also Lisa. i just turned 40 and people think i am my 22 y/o daughter's younger sister. airport security never believes me. lately, for the first time in my life, i put on some weight, and because i felt so bad about myself, i started dressing like they told you to and wearing my long curly dark hair up. and i can tell you, men quit looking and treating me the way i was used to being treated, by young men, especially. so one day recently, i decided to get dressed like i did before the weight gain, wear make-up, and let my hair down. and i turned every mans head that i encountered that day, including those with their wives. now, that was something that i had started to miss. i did it only for one day (and it felt good), but that inspired me to lose the wieght so that i can go back to wearing my nice cloths, that are not at all the "J. Crew" type. wow, what a difference going from "frump" back to the way i dressed before, in one day, made! so you see, if that is not proof that everything Dan said is fact, then i dont know what is. he really does know what he's talking about. after all, shouldnt we always take a man's opinion when it comes to what really looks good on us. my husband loves when i dress that way. i have found that if a women does not have your same style, then never, and i mean NEVER ask her opinion! keep doing what youre doing. however, if you want to look a bit more professional, i would advise toning down the color to more of an earth tone, but only when necessary. but never change your style. Good Luck!
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Caroline McCravy 11-19-2006 @ 7:38AM
I do not agree with the comments about ditching all the "young stuff"...I am 43 and look mid 30's and love glitter and color etc....If you like it, wear it...I do believe that younger men like older women and just because only younger men seem to notice you, well than...good for you! Trust me...it is not the way you dress...and it is ok! You will find an older, experienced man in church or just by getting to talk so they find out the real you....Have fun with your make up and clothes...dont try to look older!
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juli 11-19-2006 @ 7:36AM
YOU MUST BE KIDDING ABOUT THAT PICTURE. IT LOOKS LIKE A BAD VOGUE PHOTO OF A HAS BEEN MODEL...HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HER FACE? I AM OVER 50 AND DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO LOOKING LIKE THAT. MY ADVICE, KEEP YOUR HAIR LONGER, BUT NOT TOO LONG...AND DRESS ANY WAY YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE, WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A 16 YEAR OLD. AND MOST OF ALL...DO NOT PORTRAY YOURSELF AS A BITTER 39 YEAR OLD WHEN YOU ARE OUT TRYING TO MEET MEN. ALSO, THE BEST AND SAFEST WAY TO MEET SOMEONE IS INTRODUCTION BY SOMEONE YOU KNOW AND TRUST.
BY THE WAY, I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 35 YEARS, SO I DO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. GOOD LUCK!!
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Teresa 11-19-2006 @ 7:38AM
Wow.....You could not pay me to look like the lady in the picture. I am 36 and have guys hitting on me from 18 to 80. No kidding. I look a lot younger too and I personally enjoy it. I do not think that the clothing is really an issue. Older men love sexy women. My hair use to be on the longer side and I always wore it in a poney tail or braided it. I got bored with the look and had it chopped off into a more stylish cut and it made me look even younger. I agree with the other post that notes that maybe you are going to the wrong places to meet people. Something else that hasn't been mention yet is; you might want to do a personality check on yourself. Most gentlemen like a women that is sofisticated, sexy, and (this is important) a woman that is easy to talk to and has no problems boosting a mans morral. If you act too stuck-up, then you are going to scare off the guys. You need to be able to easily laugh at even the stupidist of jokes. Last but not least.....Confidence, Confidence, Confidence!!!!!!!!! Good Luck.
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diloba 11-19-2006 @ 7:46AM
You don't have to look severe to look sophisticated! It's tough at this age to find clothing that is fashionable, and hits just the right note. A lot of the stuff in the stores seems to be suitable for either our mothers or our daughters, but not for women our age! The solution for me has been to experiment a bit. Play around with hair, with makeup...go shopping with a trusted friend whose style you admire and ask her to pick a few things out for you; go into places you don't usually shop... Don't forget accessories -- they go a long way toward making a simple outfit look either a whole lot more womanly or a whole lot more girlish. Definitely avoid the glittery stuff -- nothing makes a woman look more like a desperately wanna-be teenager!
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Dan R 11-19-2006 @ 7:49AM
C.M. Hill,
No one said for her to wear hip huggers. glitter or anything like that..As far as enjoying looking at young girls with hiphuggers, you must be confusing me with your significant other, my wife is in her mid 40s and thin and wears little make up--a little blush, mascara and sometimes lipstick....Lisa is asking for advice! just because someone wrote an article does not mean it is right....and obviously from the picture of the woman in the article I rest my case...they are trying to turn her into a wo"man" bot like all the other women who believe that at age 30 they should look like their moms and get a man cut and buy elastice waisted pants. Good for the other Lisa who tried to look more mature and went back to the what makes "her happy"! It seems the people who can't wear anything but frumpy clothes, comment on those who can....
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Lisa 11-19-2006 @ 7:52AM
Hey I am LISA. I look and feel 23. I dress appropriately. I have a bob haircut. I always get attention. It's just the way it is. Some of us age so much better than others. And hey, if you are 25 and want to send me a drink, go on, send it. I don't discriminate.
See you at the club -- Lisa
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