I must admit, I didn't go see Eastern Promises, but Viggo's creepy beard-action at Sunday night's Oscars certainly made me think he should probably walk away with Best Actor, no questions asked. Did you see the clip? He put a cigarette out on his tongue just before chopping up a corpse. That's the kind of deeply morbid performance that will ruin your chances of ever landing another 'good guy' role. Then, to show up with that beard -- I thought they should give him an Oscar for Most Disturbing Beard.

Most of us know Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and something about his long scrubby beard makes it seem like he's still not totally over the LOTR experience. Does he go back to middle earth between each movie he works on? I think his beard to hair ratio was really hurt by the fact that he chose to sport a phonytail. On closer inspection he's just got it slicked back, but regardless, it looks like he's got a thick beard and a freaky ponytail -- too much.

All that I can really say about the ensemble is that it's consistent -- he looks like an Eastern-bloc hit man from head to toe -- the hair, the beard, the double-breasted suit. The rose is a nice touch, but seriously Viggo, what's up with the werewolf look?

(out of 5)
Beard to Hair Ratio: 2
Beard to Ensemble: 4
Creepiness: 5