Chloe Sevigny has designed a clothing line for Opening Ceremony. You know, because she always looks so great on the red carpet. And Gary Busey is sane and Paris Hilton is classy.

I mean, yes, I get it -- Chloe Sevigny loves the '80s and early '90s the way Sharon Stone loves to wear dead animals. And both are horrible crimes against nature. And, you know, I understand that we can't control her when she makes public appearances -- that's for a stylist, or an alligator wrestler, or someone more daring than myself to handle. However, allowing the girl to design clothes that other people are supposed to wear? She must be stopped.

I looked through the collection, and I think I found a pair of shoes I might wear. In the yard. If I was sure none of my neighbors would stop by. I also saw a few pieces that scream "Laura Ashley's Ladies of the Night." Good grief -- a woman should never have to worry about whether a rose pattern on her leggings makes it look like she has camel toe. Say it with me now ... SexAY!