eBay seller groundhogblue has an item for us: "ARt to Wear Unusual Appliqued Reversible India SHawl."

Particularly in cases like this, where the item looks like it may be from a cult we haven't heard of, we like to assume there's some sort of encrypted code in the posting. Like the mis-capitalization. Put it together: ARSH. That could mean. . .anything. Angry Ravens Scare Harriet? Annie Really Sells Hotpockets? How about ARWUARIS? I think I just found a name for my new Lord of the Rings re-enactment character. Sounds like a Level 7 Druid, no?

And we do believe a Level 7 Druid would actually wear this cape. Let's look at the features:

The arms are billowy, perfect for casting spells. If you should be hit by an orc or perhaps a rogue with a dagger? Good news: the inside is already red for your blood washing convenience. It's shiny, so you look magical, and your friends might have an easier time finding you in a dungeon.

Lastly, we come to the totally necessary applique on the back. It's there for...for...oh, we give up. You liked that fabric so you sewed a rectangle of it to the back, somewhat poorly, and possibly with cat hair. WTF? This thing is ludicrous.