Snobby Accessory of the Moment - The Perfect Tan

Posted May 5th 2009 at 2:45PM by Jessica B. Matlin (Subscribe to Jessica B. Matlin's posts)

Filed under: Red Carpet Trends, Beauty Tips, Beauty, Celebrity, Makeup, Red Carpet

Fashion people are funny. They have their own little discreet visual code that, to the keen observer, speaks volumes about their refined taste and lifestyle. The unscratched red sole of a Louboutin, the intrecciato stitching of a Bottega Veneta handbag, and most recently, The Perfectly Nuanced Tan.

At last night's Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, a disproportionate amount of attendees were working a shade of Beautiful People Bronze that whispered, "I'm not one of you." (Just in case you needed any reminding.)

The tan was rich and beautifully three-dimensional, despite occasionally veering into orange-y terrain. No matter what the hue was, the color was so carefully modulated, I imagine it was manually applied by a small army of doting spa technicians, all with advanced degrees in self-tanner application.

Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe some women were foolishly working authentic, sun-baked tans. But the implication is still the same: They're pampered, you're not. While they've been luxuriating on a beach, the rest of us plebes have been under tacky fluorescent lights, caught in the glare of our computer screens eating Subway sandwiches or something.

Sad, I know. But for escapism's sake, let's take a look at the best of the spectrum.

The Bronzed & The Beautiful

Jessica Biel
Lady in red, vision in chiaroscuro. J. Biel's tan so greatly emphasized her crazy-sculpted body and angular facial structure, I thought one of the Met employees might accidentally cart her off to The New Greek and Roman Galleries.

Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

Kate Moss
Clearly, nothing goes better with gold mini-toga than a bronze bod. Loving the homage to antiquity.

Randy Brooke, WireImage

Blake Lively
Girl loves to show off her (frankly amazing) cleavage so often, it's becoming a bit cliché. But I guess if I had a perfect body the color of Carribean wet sand, I'd flaunt as much of as I could get away with, too.

Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

Molly Sims
I don't think I've ever seen Sims this tan - even during her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue days.

Larry Busacca, Getty Images

Victoria Beckham
The Original. Posh worked that orange bod and those contoured cheekbones like it was her last spin on the red carpet eh-vah.

Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

Cindy Crawford
Okay, not sure if her tan was one of the best, but it was certainly the most well-done. (Pun fully intended.) Lady out-tanned Donatella and stepped on her dress. (Honestly, I thought she was Eva Mendes' older sister at first glance.)

Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

Tags: costume institute gala, CostumeInstituteGala, self-tanning, tanning

Joe Bob Richie 5-05-2009 @ 6:34PM

Looking at Jessica Simpson's tan caused me to wonder, hmm...could this be Alice Cooper's long lost granddaughter

cootabrown 5-05-2009 @ 10:03PM

This goes out to the celebrity lips volume lip wearing woman !I'm using plump lips and it works for me so why are you trying to get $99.00 out of my credit card it's just not happening , beside I think my lips are just fine they do just fine on my husband after all every time I make love to him I don't hear him complaining I'm hearing just the opposite and it sounds good to me . . .