You knew it had to be a man who said that we don't need shoes.

This week in a story on NPR, Adam Sternbergh of New York magazine calls footwear "a conspiracy of idiocy." He compares wearing shoes to putting a cast on your arm and never taking it off.

He thinks we should stop wearing shoes.

Excuse us while we sit with heads between our legs, and breathe into a paper bag until we regain our composure.

Okay. He has a point that our ancestors evolved as barefoot creatures. And that high heels were developed to help people avoid stepping in poop. Also it sort of makes sense that cushiony shoes self-perpetuate the need for more support and cushiony shoes.

Proponents of going barefoot say that our feet are week from lack of use, and shoes keep us from developing important muscles for stability and health. They say that if you must wear shoes -- and they acknowledge the role shoes play in protection and hygiene -- then go for ugly practical shoes that put your spine in a neutral position.

There's more. Like a growing movement around barefoot training, and Nike Free is a line of training shoes that is supposed to provide the "benefits" of running barefoot without the risk of glass, twigs and flesh eating bacteria.

Here's what these dudes are all missing: Pretty shoes are never comfortable. And we don't care if our feet hurt, or if it would be better for us to wear ugly practical shoes.

We wear shoes for aesthetic pleasure, not health. And we are not giving them up. They will have to pry them from our cold, dead, misshapen feet!