Snobby Accessory of the Moment - The Perfect Tan
Filed under: Red Carpet Trends, Beauty Tips
At last night's Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, a disproportionate amount of attendees were working a shade of Beautiful People Bronze that whispered, "I'm not one of you." (Just in case you needed any reminding.)
The tan was rich and beautifully three-dimensional, despite occasionally veering into orange-y terrain. No matter what the hue was, the color was so carefully modulated, I imagine it was manually applied by a small army of doting spa technicians, all with advanced degrees in self-tanner application.
Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe some women were foolishly working authentic, sun-baked tans. But the implication is still the same: They're pampered, you're not. While they've been luxuriating on a beach, the rest of us plebes have been under tacky fluorescent lights, caught in the glare of our computer screens eating Subway sandwiches or something.
Sad, I know. But for escapism's sake, let's take a look at the best of the spectrum.
The Bronzed & The Beautiful
Jessica Biel
Lady in red, vision in chiaroscuro. J. Biel's tan so greatly emphasized her crazy-sculpted body and angular facial structure, I thought one of the Met employees might accidentally cart her off to The New Greek and Roman Galleries.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Kate Moss
Clearly, nothing goes better with gold mini-toga than a bronze bod. Loving the homage to antiquity.
Randy Brooke, WireImage
Blake Lively
Girl loves to show off her (frankly amazing) cleavage so often, it's becoming a bit cliché. But I guess if I had a perfect body the color of Carribean wet sand, I'd flaunt as much of as I could get away with, too.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Molly Sims
I don't think I've ever seen Sims this tan - even during her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue days.
Larry Busacca, Getty Images
Victoria Beckham
The Original. Posh worked that orange bod and those contoured cheekbones like it was her last spin on the red carpet eh-vah.
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
Cindy Crawford
Okay, not sure if her tan was one of the best, but it was certainly the most well-done. (Pun fully intended.) Lady out-tanned Donatella and stepped on her dress. (Honestly, I thought she was Eva Mendes' older sister at first glance.)
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images
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Week 4 was entitled "Foods that Stimulate Collagen Growth." But it was more or less a lesson on supplements and vitamins, some of which you can get from foods, while others are better in tablet form. Nonetheless, we began taking this handful of vitamins every single day this week and bam! Energy up! Glowing skin up! And fine lines and sun spots, nearly gone!
For a culture that strives to look past the color of one's skin, we sure do put a lot of emphasis on getting that perfect golden skin tone. Sure, the
What's the point of wearing a pair of $475 goggles in a tiny glass bed where nobody can admire them?
Regardless of what month is on the calendar, many of us like to have a natural-looking, sun-kissed glow. Especially those of us who live in southern states -- people expect us to be a little tan, you know? But, tanning beds are so last millennium -- we'll sacrifice a lot to look good, but risking skin cancer is more than we're willing to do.




I am not here to comment on Lizzie Grubman's tan. No no, I am here to talk about safe sunless tanning. But first, really quickly, how old do you think Lizzie is 36, 46, or dead? Okay that's enough back on topic.




