When one of my kids are cold, or need something soft to lay their head on for a nap on a road trip, I'll hand over any article of clothing, even if it means being freezing or uncomfortable. I am sure this reminds them they are my priority, and I would gladly go without to make sure they have what they need. This makes them feel loved and safe.
On the flip side, I have given up many a moment to myself to literally jump up to take them somewhere they want to go. I cancel social plans of my own to accommodate their busy lifestyle. I am not sure the message this sends is a positive one. Might it be dangerous for them to think they are the center of the universe? The world will not cater to them as I do. And, every mother needs some down time, even if it means saying no.
A similar thing happens when I am shopping for clothes. I have a tendency to be frugal when it comes to my own attire, because I don't want to waste the money on myself. Yet, when my girls need something new, I am always tempted, and often give in, to make sure they have the latest. All my kids had Uggs before me. I know I am not alone.
Why do moms do this?
- Our children are a reflection of us. If they look good, maybe it makes us look better ... without having to diet.
- Adolescence is a difficult time. Maybe the right jeans or the right shoes will make it a little easier.
- While the latest style may not look great on us, kids look adorable in anything.
- We are still playing dress up. Only now, our dolls are living and breathing.
- We don't feel good about the way we look, but we all think our kids are the cutest thing since E.T.
- You deserve nice things too.
- Clothes that cost a little more often fit better and last longer. Your kids will outgrow theirs. Yours can be part of your wardrobe for years.
- Kids are happier when they are comfortable and can get a little dirty.
- Even the best jeans won't allow them to sail through middle school. Adolescence will always be hard, regardless of attire.
- Your children need to respect you as an individual with needs and desires. It is O.K. to buy something fabulous for yourself and say "No" to your kids once in a while.