In case you haven't heard by now, the new royal prince is here! And now poor Kate Middleton is going to be forgotten. This is what always happens when babies arrive–the mother gets doting attention and breathless outfit-chronicling for nine straight months, and then once the baby comes, all the world becomes enraptured by how good that little baby's head smells and could not care less about her anymore. Poor new moms...

I know this because I had a baby. Two actually–boys–just like Kate herself and, of course, Princess Diana. (In fact, I'm afraid my younger one–he's eight–is headed in the same direction as Harry. He recently wanted me to dye his hair red, and I will be shocked if he gets out of his 20s without at least one embarrassing strip poker incident.) Anyway, this all makes me very qualified to give Kate Middleton advice on what to expect beauty-wise after the baby is born. There is a long and hallowed tradition of experienced mothers scaring the daylights out of new mothers, and I've elected myself as the one to let Kate in on the secret of what happens to you post-pregnancy and how she'll need to change her beauty routine. (I'm also happy to send her hand-me-downs from my boys if she wants.) Read on.

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